DESIGN REVIEW

The other day I was shopping and had an interesting experience.  I actually heard myself talking to myself inside my head!

Now, that's not unusual, we do it all of the time, but for some reason it struck me that it wasn't really "me" speaking, but a horrible bully.  You see, I heard my voice be dismissive of my opinion and I wondered why I was listening to it.

Do you have an internal bully? Over the years I've had several experiences like the one I described above. I'll be working on a project, or dealing with a difficult situation, and I hear that horrible bully rear it's ugly head.

"You don't know what you're doing!"

"Why did you say that?"

"You need to work harder."

"Look at how you screwed that up."

"What's wrong with you?"

Yikes!  It's no wonder that like almost everyone else I struggle with low self esteem. How can I actually be a good person, an artist, a good employee, a loving spouse and mother if I'm so useless?

Most people have this same chatterbox chattering away at them all day.  Re-examining every word and action, rehashing and editing conversations and interactions that didn't go as planned. Everything is up for review, what you wear, who you hang out with, what TV programs you watch, food you eat, places you go... it never ends.

Years ago when I worked as a graphic designer I had to go through what our company called "Design Review." Before anything left the building it had to be approved by a group of executives, most of whom knew little about design, and several whose taste was questionable.  Having to present my work and justify it being approved was often a traumatic experience.  At least in the beginning.

It didn't take too long for me to realize that there were different personalities in the room. A few were up-to-date on trends and always looking for the new thing. They generally sided with me. Then there were those who were determined to have their voices heard and hated literally everything. They seemed to enjoy finding little "issues" here and there and were the kind who didn't understand that what they were looking at was a mock-up.  There were those who always sided with one or the other, trying to figure out from the comments which side to take. The most powerful people were probably the easiest. I knew if I won them over, I could move on. However, they would often seem hesitant to make a decision. I'd find myself giving my opinion on why something worked or didn't and why. I had to be very prepared for any kind of assault, color (was it on-trend), style (traditional or modern or funky...my favorite!), and message, which I always aimed at the final decision makers. I had gotten to know them well and had figured out which approach to use to get them to swing my way.

I also had the advantage that I was born with a creative brain that could create on the spot. It wasn't unusual for me to give them multiple options addressing their concerns. Over the years I got better and better at this and rarely left Design Review without an approval. When I left the company they struggled with their new designer. I'm sure it took her a while to figure them out.

The reason I tell this story is because I often realize that my internal bully is another version of Design Review. I try to live my life believing that I make the best decisions I can. I know I'm not perfect, but sometimes perfection isn't the point.  Sometimes it's about moving forward and knowing you need to approach things differently.

The truth is that I have the ultimate power to decide what works for me. I am the powerful person in this equation.

In the same way I handled Design Review I try to manage my chatterbox. I listen to the things that make sense, knowing that I don't ever do everything right. At the same time I try to avoid the voice inside of me that always finds something wrong. Those internal voices that seem to enjoy finding little "issues" here and there and don't understand that they're reviewing a life in progress, a mock-up.

Frankly, we all have a "mock-up" of ourselves floating around in our minds. We think about what we could be and where we could go, only to discover that we need to dispose of part of our mock-up, (that failed relationship, crappy job, or quilt that just didn't work), and make changes that will make our lives better. The great thing about mock-ups is that they aren't intended to be perfect or permanent. They reflect where we want to go at a particular point in time. Things change, and we should continuously review where we are and make adjustments to our dreams.

The last thing we need to do is let that internal bully affect our decisions. However, there's nothing wrong in being honest with ourselves. Maybe we do need to eat better, stop dating that jerk, and get ourselves a new job. Sometimes there are adjustments that need to be made. 

I believe we should continually review our lives in order to make positive choices to get us where we want to be. It does us no good to beat ourselves up over the past, or about things we can't control, or even our own weaknesses that we acknowledge but aren't ready to deal with.

There's no reason you can't do what I'm learning to do.  Go into your internal Design Review with your head held high, confident that you'll get approved. And, when you leave with that approval, (albeit with a few adjustments), you can pat yourself on the back and say, "Well done!"

Susan