FICTION FRIDAY ON QUILTLIT

 

Click on the image above to read the latest 
installment of "A Piece of Work" on Quiltlit.

SO MUCH TO DO, SO LITTLE TIME

 

Do you ever feel like you have so much to do and so little time to do it? I do, and it got me thinking about what was I doing with all of my time?

I don't know about you but there are times when I get resentful of the demands placed on me by others.  It's one of the reasons I don't have a lot of really close friends.  They might have expectations of me that I can't and sometimes don't even want to fulfill.

My husband and I are impressed by the amount of social activity engaged in by our friends.  They're busy all the time with one activity or the other.  Fortunately, he's like me in that he admits to being selfish about his time.  The thought of going out several nights a week, or spending every weekend hanging out with friends overwhelms us.  We both need time to do the things we love, the things that recharge our batteries.

For him it's working in the garden, hanging out and doing sports with our son, fly fishing, and music.  For me it's quilting, art, and writing....and of course, hanging out with my family.

What I find frustrating is when I get so busy doing things I don't really want to do but are committed to doing, that I can't find time to do the things I really want to do.  Of course, one of the main things is housework, which everyone hates.  It isn't that it's difficult or not satisfying, (everyone loves a clean house!), it's just that it's too easy for me to find an excuse not to do it as often as I should.  And you know how that goes, putting cleaning off just makes it worse, and then you have a real mess to clean up which just makes you hate cleaning even more than you did before.

When I worked full time and had a young son at home I somehow managed to get more done.  Part of that could be that I was younger and had more energy, but I think a large part of it is that I had to manage my time better, so I did.  Now that I'm home all the time, I find it more difficult to separate my "work" from my family and my fun.  I find myself writing articles while everyone else is watching TV, or working on designs when I should be cleaning the bathrooms, or checking email when I should be chatting with my son about his day.

I've been making more of an effort to schedule my days so I can get everything done, but the days seem to be getting shorter, or I'm moving slower, or I'm procrastinating more than ever, so I keep sliding back into my bad habits.

Those of us who have lives we're trying to lead while trying to make quilts often have a hard time reconciling the two.  There are some things that I do that work, and others I need to work on.

I don't bring sewing or reading with me in the car anymore.  I used to use trips as a way to clear away some work, but now I treasure those trips as a great opportunity to chat with my husband. It's "alone" time we don't get enough of.  I used to make a point of not bringing work along to my son's sports practices and games.  I usually spent that time watching him and chatting with the other parents.  I found it recharged my batteries and sometimes I would get great ideas while I was sitting on the grass watching the boys take batting practice.  We all need down time so try to find some activities you have to be a part of and just enjoy them.  Grab those moments with family and friends when you can.

I do need to work on wasting too much time on the internet.  I tend to get lost sometimes, something pops into my head, I search for it, then I end up going off on all kinds of weird tangents before realizing that I just spent an hour doing nothing productive.  I don't watch TV much, but I think I need to get off the laptop more often, it can be just as addictive.

Now that we live in the country I get distracted by what's going on outside.  Flocks of turkeys and does with their fawns are among my favorite things to watch. Last year my husband and I sat and watched several fawns frolic in the glade behind our house.  They were having a blast!

Finding time to quilt can be hard, but not spending time doing other things you enjoy isn't good either.  I think all of us have to figure out what works for us. 

Susan

SETBACKS

Whew!  We all hate it when things are going along just fine and then powee! we get slapped down.  Unfortunately, things running smoothly is not the way the world works.  If we could control every aspect of our lives we might be able to keep setbacks at bay, but the reality is that we can't and they keep cropping up.

Of course there are levels of setbacks.  A minor cold that keeps you from running your errands is a small setback, a diagnosis of a major illness is another.  The one thing that's consistent for all setbacks is that they're usually out of your control.  It's very frustrating!

In order to maintain what sanity I have left, I learned a long time ago that the first thing you have to do when you experience a setback is to accept it.  The major mistake many folks make is to ignore it or get angry about it.  Neither strategy works.  It is what it is.  You have to deal with it.

In many ways it's similar to disappointment although I think setbacks are different in that there's still a chance to make things right.  Disappointment happens at the end of a road, setbacks are obstacles in that road.  How you handle the setbacks can make it possible to avoid disappointment.

There are times when you start a new quilt, or a new job, or even a new relationship. Sometimes you just want to give up when things aren't going your way. That's when you have to dig deep and decide if you still believe in what you were trying to do. It's easy to give up, but is that what you really want?  Perhaps you might consider looking at the setbacks as opportunities.

It's frustrating to not be able to have things the way you want them, but sometimes I think setbacks happen for a reason.   Perhaps you didn't think something through well enough, or you fell in love with something that you are stubbornly refusing to give up, or maybe it's just not the great idea you thought it was.  It's easy to fight against the inevitable, but impossible to win.  Better to stop, think, adjust, and move on.

I've had so many setbacks in my quilting life.  My UFO stack is full of them!  Sometimes I was overly ambitious, attempting something I wasn't quite ready for.  At other times I tackled something without enough materials on hand, or fabric I didn't have enough of.  My sewing machine has broken down, I've had irons die on me, I've even mislaid important parts of a project, only to find them tucked away somewhere else years later.

Every setback has been a learning experience, and the most important lesson for me is to not let them get me down.  Setbacks are annoying, and sometimes heartbreaking, but you can't let them deny you your dreams.

So, next time something goes wrong, deal with it and move on.

Happy Stitching,

Susan

EXPECTATIONS VS. REALITY

Whew!  Who hasn't had a problem with high expectations meeting reality?  It's one of the more difficult things to work through.  The hardest part is finding the happy medium between having really high expectations and expectations that are so low that it becomes a "why bother?" situation.

Those of us who've had our share of reality "smackdowns" know that what is real is real and no amount of wishing can change it.  It's how we react to the realities of life that decide the quality of our lives.

Many quilters suffer from high expectations.  We select a pattern, buy fabric, put all the effort into a quilt that we expect to be a masterpiece, (heck if we're putting that much effort into it, why not?), only to have our "baby" not make the cut in a juried show, or get dissed at a guild meeting, or worst of all, not be appreciated by our family and friends.

It hurts to have one's work torn apart, but it hurts more if we have too much invested in it emotionally.  It's easy to fantasize that the quilt you're working on will end up on the cover of a magazine, but is that realistic?  How many quilting magazines are there, and how many total issues a year, and how many million quilters?  Let's face it, the odds aren't in our favor. 

But is that why we quilt?  To be recognized, to have our quilts praised, to reach some kind of exalted place in the world of quilting?  I don't think most of us do it for those reasons.  We do it because we love it, and because it makes us happy.

As an artist I've struggled with people not liking my work.  I've endured criticism about my color choices by people I know are colorblind, comments about my sewing skills by people who can't sew on a button, and disparaging remarks by other quilters who are just plain mean.  It comes with the territory.  When you put yourself out there it isn't going to be all roses and lollipops, there are going to be those that don't like your work or who don't like you and there's not a lot you can do about it.

Once I was involved in a business venture where I was creating multiple graphic designs.  I love them all but my partner has his favorites and we don't always see eye to eye.  At first I was a little sensitive about it, but that's emotional me feeling that way.  Business me knows better.  Everything I do is not going to be loved by everyone and the thing I like least may be the thing others like most.  It's one of those things!

So, it's OK to have high expectations just make sure they're ones you can control.  That means make your expectations about something you do, about how much you're going to enjoy making your quilt, and about how much you're going to learn making it, and about how happy you're going to feel when it's done.  Then if it doesn't make the cover of a magazine you've still fulfilled your expectations for it.  And if it does, nothing but gravy!

Happy Stitching!

Susan

 

FICTION FRIDAY ON QUILTLIT

 

Click on the image above to read the latest 
installment of "A Piece of Work" on Quiltlit.

WATCH OUT FOR THE COW!

I couldn't resist this little illustration, and it's so fitting for so many reasons!

I grew up in Central California. We had what they call "tule fog" and there's nothing quite like it.  It hangs very low and can be so bad that you can't see the front end of the car you're driving.  I remember that we used to ride our bikes to school because it was safer.  At least we could hear the cars coming!  Besides, since I rode my bike to school from the time I was in 1st grade I think it could have gotten me there on it's own.  Tremendous homing instincts on a Schwinn Stingray.

Also, my husband has a great story about when he was riding his own bike to school in rural Ireland.  He slid on some ice and ran into a cow.  The cow wasn't at all perturbed but all of his schoolbooks and papers went flying.  The farmer helped him pick everything up, and he continued on.  No damage to the bike, or the cow!

I was also thinking yesterday that there are a lot of cows in the way of our dreams and goals.  Have you ever gotten all excited about a project and then couldn't get to it because "something" kept coming up?  Then, by the time you have the time, you no longer have the enthusiasm?

That's me in a nutshell!  If I could just somehow transpose my creative brainwaves into a robot that would immediately pull, press, cut, piece, quilt and bind the quilt I have in my mind.  Wouldn't that be fabulous?  Of course, it wouldn't be as much fun for me, but it would be nice to see all those wonderful ideas brought to fruition instead of idling around in my overwhelmed brain.  Too bad I have zero tech skills, can you imagine how popular "Quiltbot" would be at the next Quilt Festival?

Right after I started working on rebooting my blogs I had a terrible fall.  Fortunately, I didn't hurt myself as badly as I could have on our hardwood floors. Why? Because I braced myself with my left hand, thereby badly spraining my wrist.  Ouch! It's been a nightmare because you don't really realize how often you use both hands until you don't have them. 

I'm in my third month of dealing with it.  My doctor suspects there might be some nerve damage, but also thinks it could be just a bad muscle sprain that I keep reinjuring because I need to do stuff that requires two hands. She wants me to come back in June if I'm still in pain.  I hope to God it will be gone by then.

There are two things I've been struggling with the most. One, is that I can't do any hand sewing.  My right hand is fine, but I have to hold the fabric in the left hand.  Not currently possible.  I also struggle with typing. I'm able to do it for short periods of time, but it hurts if I do it too long, and then I have to stop for a couple of days.  My husband has been fabulous about taking over some of my chores.  However, I'm still doing the cooking, and some of those pans are so heavy! I never realized how physical so many things I used to do were. Even after almost three months I keep finding new things I can't do. It's beyond frustrating.

I'm taking my own advice and trying to remain positive.  My father always used to say that problems can get worse, or you can turn them into opportunities. I haven't figured out the opportunities yet, but they've got to be there somewhere! In the meantime I will continue to post and work on ideas for future quilts. I have enjoyed re-reading some of my quilting books and magazines, and revisiting my life by reading my old blog posts from ten years ago. That has helped a lot because I seem to have had a lot of colds and flu bugs back then. Now I just have a pain in the wrist.  I suppose things could be worse. 

I don't think I have any readers yet but it's early days.  It takes a while for a blog to take off, and frankly, it's kind of a good thing that there aren't any readers waiting for my next post to drop.  It will also give me some time to get over my injury and get back in the swing of things. Maybe that's the opportunity, that this happened when it did.  Who knows? In the meantime, for those of you who can . . .

Happy Stitching!

Susan

 

AC-CENT-TCHU-ATE THE POSITIVE

 

I was very fortunate to have such a wonderful mother and I think God for her everyday.  When I was just a little girl she encouraged me to be creative.  I always had crayons and paper, and got tons of praise for my drawings.  She taught me to sew at a young age, first with sewing cards, and then I stitched a whole week of "Day of the Week" dish towels she picked up at our local five and dime. I loved picking out the floss colors, threading the needle, and discovered the joy of pulling thread through fabric.  I've never lost that thrill.  I think that's why I make most of my quilts by hand.

As I got older I started getting more ambitious. I always had an art project of one kind or another in the works. My parents and teachers recognized that I was gifted in that direction so I was encouraged from multiple directions. My mother was also very creative although I don't think she ever recognized how gifted she was. Her home was her project and every year she would pick out one room to redecorate. I spent many hours with her shopping for furniture, home decorating fabrics, and wallpaper patterns. The amazing thing is that even when I was very young she trusted my instincts. 

However, although Mom and Dad were encouraging, they also had no problem calling me out when I wasn't working up to my potential.  My mother, particularly, gave me a lot of grief about rushing through my sewing projects.  I had terrible technique because I was young and just wanted to move on to the next thing.  It took me a while to figure out that working on my technique opened a whole other door to what I could do. Thanks Mom, for not letting me slide.

Not everyone gets the amount of encouragement and recognition they need or deserve. It's a shame, but unfortunately, it's a reality for many people, Those of you who don't feel validated need to find a way to be that kind of parent for yourself.  Be honest with yourself, but that doesn't mean to only be negative.  Honesty can work in a positive way as well.  Even with all of the support I got, I sometimes have to tell myself that I'm on the right track and working towards achieving my goals.

I've always thought that being kind to ourselves is extremely important.  Society tends to look at only the negative. Just think about it, do you ever see good news on TV? Disasters, tragedies, and crimes rule the airwaves. I think that over the years we've all become more negative.  It's hard not to be when everything is cast in that light. Gloom and Doom.  We don't need more of that!

I used to be the kind of person who only saw the negative side of things.  Everything was about what was wrong instead of what was right.  Even though I got loads of encouragement, I still struggled with being honest with myself in a positive way.  

It feels weird for most people to feel good about themselves. Some of us were raised to be humble, but many today are influenced by social media and compare ourselves to what we see on our phones and computers. It's well known that many "influencers" use filters to make themselves look thinner and more beautiful.  They also lie, lie, lie about how wonderful their lives are.  So much of what we see isn't even true.  How sad is it that people compare themselves to something that isn't even real? It's discombobulating at the least, and soul murdering at the worst.

What finally cured me of thinking about everything negatively was to notice how often I did it.  When the first thought that came into my head was negative I'd try to replace it with a positive thought.  Over time it became more of a habit for me.  I'd focus on the positive first and deal with the negative later.  

So, the next time you make a mistake cut yourself some slack, learn to laugh about it and learn from it. It's not a disaster.  And, as for encouragement, look inside.  Your chatterbox can be used for positivity as well as negativity.  And for those of you as old as I am, remember the old Bing Crosby song.

Ac-Cent-Tchu-Ate The Positive

Song by Bing Crosby

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You've got to accentuate the positive

Eliminate the negative

Latch on to the affirmative

Don't mess with Mister In-Between

You've got to spread joy up to the maximum
Bring gloom down to the minimum
Have faith or pandemonium
Liable to walk upon the scene

Susan

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Johnny Mercer / Harold Arlen

Ac-Cent-Tchu-Ate The Positive lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Universal Music Publishing Group, Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd.

COVID CRAZY

 

This weekend I had an unusual experience.  I actually went into a restaurant and had dinner with my family!  It was glorious!

It's amazing how many things we take for granted and how we can adapt when we have to.  However, I found it interesting that I was actually happy to see a restroom with more than one person in it, and some maskless faces other than my own family's.

We were fortunate to not have as bad a time with Covid as many other areas in the country.  It's one of the advantages of living in an isolated rural area. There are a lot of minuses, (mainly internet access, and deliveries), but there are times where living "in the boonies" can be a good thing. 

I won't go into the pros and cons of different types of precautions, or any political issues, (I won't discuss them on this forum), what I'm interested in is how we all coped with this massive change in how we live.

When we were asked to shut down to help "stop the spread," we were happy to do so. Fortunately, no one in my family in California, Oregon or Ireland got Covid, and there were several with pre-existing conditions.  We feel very fortunate.

Coping with this crisis has been very difficult, even though we didn't experience the worst of it as so many have. The hard part was watching friends with businesses struggle with the ever changing regulations. One week they were on this level, the next week another.  The stress and anxiety they suffered can't be explained unless experienced.  Suffice it to say, that we're glad to see that so far they have survived. 

I've seen how this has affected my son and other college students.  He had one term of normal college life, (fortunately, it was a football season when his school, the University of Oregon, won the Rose Bowl!). He spent too much of the second term at home sick, and then came back home to try to do his third term long distance.

Here's the thing.  We have satellite internet.  It's not reliable and streaming is impossible.  He had to notify all of his professors that he couldn't do "Zoom" classes and because of that he couldn't take a full load.  He also couldn't get a job because everything was shut down.  It was a tough time.

He's pretty resilient, but one of his roommates couldn't cope and dropped out for two terms. Distance learning doesn't work for everyone.

The sad part is watching these young people who should be having the time of their lives, sitting in their rooms and staring at a screen all day.  There's no study groups or tutoring sessions.  Group projects are a nightmare.  Their social lives are non-existent. It makes me so sad.

My mother used to have an active social life; bridge parties, church, symphony concerts, and eating out with friends.  Gone, all of it. She was fortunate to have her pets who kept her occupied, but all of her friends are lonely and depressed. She's been considering moving into assisted living, but is terrified of being locked away from her family. 

My husband and other family members work in essential industries so fortunately, we didn't have to deal with unemployment issues. However, the dread of one of us getting Covid was omnipresent.

These are all things we never thought we'd face.  Who would think it?

Now that hopefully we're coming out of this nightmare it's time to think about what we've learned from it, how we've changed, and what we can do to prepare ourselves for future unfortunate events that are out of our control.

Since we live in a rural area we are prepared for all kinds of events.  Fires and snowstorms occur often enough that making sure you have a supply of food and fuel on hand is routine.  We never let our vehicles go below half a tank of gas.  I keep a pantry full of food I can prepare with just hot water cooked on our outside grill, (for which we always have a back up container of propane). We have firewood and water on hand. We also have wonderful neighbors who pitch in and help each other out.

One thing we love having is a dial phone for use during electrical outages.  I know many people no longer have landlines, but many who do don't realize that the modern cordless phones require electricity to work. I bought an inexpensive dial phone that I plug directly into the jack of our landline. It's wonderful to hear the dial tone, (although I feel like I'm a teenager again, gabbing with my friends and twirling the phone cord!). Oh, and make sure you make a list of those important phone numbers!

However, these are just precautions for our physical needs.  What about our emotional ones?

I enjoy hanging out with friends and entertaining, but I'm also perfectly content reading a book or working on a sewing project. I'm fortunate because I have a husband and, for the first six months, a son at home. I wasn't lonely.

My mother would have struggled more if it hadn't been for her two pups, who kept her company. I can't imagine living alone with no pets and not being able to go out and socialize. For many people it's torture.

My mother has a friend who was always very busy.  She entertained all the time, played bridge and other card games several days a week, attended church functions, ate out, and went to concerts, the movies, and the theater at least a couple of times a month. The last year has seen a major decline in her physical and mental health. It's so sad.

What can we do to prepare ourselves emotionally for the next pandemic? And, how can we help our friends and family get through it without all of us going crazy?

I think the solution lies within ourselves. First of all we need to develop more than one hobby or interest so we don't burn out on one or the other. 

Visit a used bookstore and pick up a few books you've always wanted to read and set them aside to savor. Fill up your Kindle with free books, (check out  https://www.bookbub.com/ebook-deals/free-ebooks ) you can select the genres you're interested in and they'll select books for you to choose from. There are also other books available for sale from .99 to 2.99. Bookmark it and check it everyday.

If you play a musical instrument, use the time to practice. If you'd like to learn how to play, there are a lot of great tutorials online. 

Tackle a project you've been wanting to get done for a while.  Sort through your photos, organize your closets and kitchen, clean out your garage. Keeping busy and physically active at the same time can't be anything but good for you, it passes the time, and you've accomplished something as well. We worked on multiple projects during the lockdown and now we're enjoying them, (and have more free time!).

I got through the first six months of the lockdown swatching and organizing all of my fabrics. I went through everything. Small pieces I set aside to make precut squares and strips. Anything over an eighth of a yard was swatched and stapled to a tag color coded to its storage location. It might not take you as long as it took me, (I've been quilting for 40 years!), but it's been a huge help. Now when I'm designing a quilt I can use my swatches instead of pulling fabrics from my multiple storage locations. 

And, (as if it has to be said), quilt up a storm! Finish some UFOs, sort your fabrics and supplies, reorganize your sewing space, and try a new technique or two.

The other thing I think is really important is to keep in touch with your friends.  Texts and emails are great, but phone calls are even better.  Both my brother and I have a set time we call our mother every day. She looks forward to our calls, and we can check on how she's doing. My mom calls her best friend every afternoon and they have a chat and a glass of wine together. They both look forward to it. 

If you have a friend who's alone set a time to talk.  Even if it's only a time or two a week, it will give them something to look forward to. Oh, and make sure you have that emergency dial phone so your family and friends don't worry why they haven't heard from you if your electricity goes out.

When I was in college I took a speech class. The final was to write and deliver a valedictorian speech. I decided to focus on what's really important.  Not the grand plans and dreams of graduates, but the way we treat each other. I called it "Take Care of Your Own Little Corner of the World." We can't change a whole lot of what life throws at us, but we can try to make it better for ourselves and our loved ones.

Susan

YOU'RE FABULOUS!

 

I usually write about dealing with our own problems with self esteem and dealing with difficult people. Today I want to discuss how you can make others' lives better by letting them know how much you appreciate them. 

I have this thing where sometimes I get a strong feeling about a particular person. I call it "on my heart." It means that this person isn't just on my mind, but I feel a calling to do something nice for them.

Sometimes that means I'll send a gift, or shoot them an email, but most of the time I call them. 

Nowadays everyone has their phone with them, but it doesn't always make them more available. I like to send them a text or email and ask them for a convenient time to call. I have one friend I call a couple of times a year, and we set a date and time and end up talking for hours.

It's important to let those you care about know how fabulous you think they are! Too many people get only negative feedback. When something goes well, it's quiet. But if there's a problem, it can get loud and nasty. It's no wonder so many people feel they can't do anything right. When you never get an affirmation, it's very easy to believe that you're worthless.

Nothing feels better than to hear from a friend or acquaintance who's calling to let you know how much they appreciate you. The call doesn't have to be hours long, and if you can't get ahold of them directly you can always leave a message telling them how fabulous they are and how much you'd like to hear from them. Odds are, they'll call you back.

Wouldn't you love to get a call like that? Wouldn't it be wonderful if a fellow guild member called you to let you know how much they enjoyed your presentation, or your latest quilt? It's amazing how a few kind words can make all the difference to someone who struggles with self esteem, or who feels like they can't ever do anything right.  You can bet they'll be floating on air for a while.

The best part of this is that it will make you feel good too.  Who knows? You could end up starting a chain reaction mutual admiration society!

Make a call and make someone's day!

Susan

FICTION FRIDAY ON QUILTLIT

 

Click on the image above to read the latest 

installment of "A Piece of Work" on Quiltlit.

EMBARRASSING MOMENTS

I love this cartoon because it reminds me of my worst nightmare.  Now, you might say, why would you love it then?  Well, it's because it makes me laugh about it!

I don't know about you but it's been many, (and I mean MANY), years since I've gone to school.  Even now, after all this time, I still have those school nightmares.  You know, the ones where you discover you have a final in a course you didn't even know you were taking?  Or, when you discover you've been sitting in the wrong classroom for months, or you're naked, or you just realize you're supposed to be at school and you aren't?  This cartoon reminds me of all of those dreams, along with the real life experiences I've had of discovering that I'd completely misunderstood something.

What I think is most telling about this is that although the student with the play-dough is obviously mortified, none of the other students seems to notice.  That's the way many of our most embarrassing moments have probably played out, but we were so upset that we didn't notice how little other people cared.

I got over being embarrassed years ago when I had a problem with my balance.  When I was in junior college one of my ears completely plugged up.  Since it came upon me slowly, I didn't really notice the lack of hearing, but after a while it began to affect my balance.  I'd never been particularly clumsy but all of a sudden I was falling over and as young people do, just assumed that I had embarked on a new stage of my life, clumsy Susan.

Now, this happened to be going on during the Olympics and for some reason I started giving myself points for my falls.  It became kind of a running routine, if I fell, I'd say "that was an 8.7" and everyone, including myself, would laugh.  Once I had a fairly spectacular fall where somehow I managed to do a full turn before ending up on my back. For that one, I got style points!

Now, if I was falling like that now I'd be in the hospital, but I was 18 years old and just jumped up and dusted myself off.  I realized that the people around me were usually concerned if I was OK, and then we'd all have a good laugh together about how "graceful" I was.  It was then that I discovered that being able to laugh at myself was my best weapon against embarrassment.

Once my ear problem was resolved I stopped falling over all the time, but I transferred that way of dealing with it into other aspects of my life.  I won't say that I haven't been embarrassed since, but it's become a lot easier to deal with it when it happens.

I've also come to the realization that, just like the other students in the cartoon, many times the people around us don't think twice about our "embarrassing" moments.  People have their own lives and troubles, and tend to forget about what happens to others to focus on their own "embarrassing" moments.

So, if you're afraid of being embarrassed about something, just laugh it off, and remember, everyone, I don't care who they are, have had embarrassing moments too.

So, try not to dwell on it and it will soon be forgotten,

Oh, and if anyone thinks it's funny to keep bringing it up, ignore them. If they don't get a reaction from you they'll soon give up. If they still continue to bring it up, they'll be the person who should be embarrassed.

Susan

 

MODESTY vs. HUMILITY

The big thing now is "self esteem" which for years educators thought was so important to inculcate into our children.  Well, now they've discovered that it might not be the be-all and end-all they thought it was.  Turns out the people with the highest self esteem are in prison!  So much for that concept.

I remember being taught modesty and humility as a child.  Modesty is a difficult concept for many people.  It isn't about knocking yourself down, it's about knowing your worth, but not bragging about it.  A person's modesty about their achievements isn't an indication that those achievements have less value.  It's actually the opposite.  A person is modest because they're pleased with themselves but are polite enough not to lord it over others.  A modest person will accept compliments easily, but won't go on and on about how great they are.  They're confident in their abilities and let them stand on their own without embellishment.

Humility is different.  One is humbled by the realization of their good fortune.  If, for instance you're involved in a quilting competition with many talented artists, you may be humbled by being chosen as the winner.  Humility comes from our very real human sense that we are not entirely responsible for our good fortune.  That's why when someone wins an award they thank others, and sometimes God for assistance to get to that place.  So, we're humbled by our feeling that "we're not worthy" because we appreciate the talents of others and all of the help we've received to get where we are.

I use American Idol a lot as an example of so many things. I've noticed that whenever there's a contestant who is convinced they're the next American Idol, (not modest and not humble), they usually have no talent at all.  It's generally the quiet ones, (modest and humble), who come out and blow everyone away. 

I believe that there's a difference between those who are gifted and those who are not.  A gifted person views their gifts as part of themselves, they may struggle with how to deal with the results of their gifts, but the gifts are accepted by them for what they are.  It's those that don't have those gifts that have to puff themselves up and make pronouncements about how great they are.

That's why you'll notice that the least talented people are the most vocal about their work, while those who are talented take it as a matter of course.

Remember this when you're dealing with other quilters.  If you're the timid sort you might be intimidated by the loudmouths, who always know better, and always have something negative to say about everyone else's work.  These people are rarely talented.  They may be able to execute well, but it's doubtful their quilts "sing." 

It takes a modest and humble heart to receive the gifts of inspiration.  A person who is always tooting their own horn is usually desperately trying to get the attention they crave.  Let your work speak for itself.   That doesn't mean that you have to sit there quietly and let others walk all over you.  It means that you can hold your head up, confident that you've done your best, and humbled by the other talent around you. 

Susan 

GET OVER YOURSELF

 

I've never been the kind of person to toot my own horn, but that doesn't have anything to do with how I actually feel about my talents and abilities.

Like most creative people, I have a love/hate relationship with myself. There are times when I wonder how I manage to put one foot in front of the other.  But then there are times when I think I truly am the "bees knees."

It's very difficult to formulate a realistic and unbiased opinion of yourself and your talents.  We've all seen those American Idol auditions when people who can't carry a tune think they can win it all.  Of course, they're all young people and frankly, getting your bubble burst is part of growing up.  If you haven't been humiliated a few times by the time you're thirty, you aren't trying hard enough!

Getting to the place where you can be truly honest with yourself is a difficult and time consuming process.  Sometimes you'll encounter a very young person with that capacity, but mostly you find it in middle aged and older folks, those that have been around long enough to be "up" and "down" and who know that nothing lasts forever and change is normal, and that a good kick in the pants now and then isn't necessarily a bad thing.

For artists it's more complicated.  It's only in the arts that someone's emotional life is so tied up with ones "work" life.  Those of us who do art for a living aren't just dealing with nay sayers that annoy us, we're dealing with critics that pay our bills.  It's a different dynamic.

Which is why it's important to develop a thicker skin.  Dealing with criticism is part of life but dealing with it well is an art form in and of itself.  Truly successful people in the arts are those that can take the criticism, examine themselves and their work honestly, then make adjustments as necessary.  Not all criticism is meant to be hurtful, it's often meant to be helpful.

Of course, when you're the one being criticised it's natural to take it personal.  For years I rolled my eyes at my mother's insistence that I need to be a better seamstress.  My ideas were great but my execution really sucked.  However, I was young and just wanted to create, I didn't think the way I did it was so bad, and I wasn't interested in taking the time and the effort it would take to improve my sewing skills.

Over time I realized that my lack of sewing skills made it difficult for me to do what I really wanted to do.  So, I took several classes and then spent years perfecting my techniques to where I'm now at the point that I'm comfortable doing anything with a needle and thread. 

After all these years I give my Mom the credit for criticising my work.  If she had been the kind of mother who praised me no matter what I did I might have continued living in my delusion and wondering why I wasn't getting anywhere as a textile artist.  Even though I thought I was ignoring her criticism, it was always there, niggling at me, and I'm so glad I finally paid attention. 

Even now as a middle aged semi-successful artist, I still struggle with getting over myself.  I have to fight the "it's all about me" reactions I have to things.  When my work isn't accepted with overwhelming joy I have to fight the urge to not take it personally, and when I have some success I don't work too hard at patting myself on the back...although I do enjoy it.

Creativity brings joy, but it can also bring heartache.  It's difficult to find the middle ground, where the heartache is minimized and the joy is tempered with the realization that it won't last forever.  There's always another challenge, and I think for us artists it's as much about facing the challenge as it is about meeting it.

So, if you're a beginning quilter, try not to let the criticism get you down.  Learn what you can from it, and enjoy your successes.  Try to be realistic about your skills, and don't expect too much from yourself.  It's a process that takes time and practice.  So get over yourself and have some fun!

And don't let the turkeys get you down....

Susan

MAKING MISTAKES

 

“If you have made mistakes, there is always another chance for you. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call 'failure' is not the falling down, but the staying down.”     - Mary Pickford

I'm like everyone else.  I hate mistakes!  I hate them when I make them, when my son makes them, when my husband makes them, heck, I hate them when anyone makes them!

Mistakes are a real pain and it's easy enough to get really upset with yourself when you make one.  Perfection is impossible to maintain, and frankly it's not very open to creativity.  So, if you want to be a creative quilter then you have to be able to deal with the dark side of creativity....mistakes!

While I was working on a recent quilt I made 3 different mistakes in the piecing and cutting;

1) I cut one of the sides of a block at the seamline not the cutting line. So, I had to recut all the pieces and remake the block.

2)  I stitched one piece to another with its' right side out.  Duh!

3) I used a long strip where I should have used a shorter one, and ended up having to cut another piece Double Duh!

These are the more major of the many minor boo boos I made, and that's just in putting together a 24" x 16" quilt top.  Can you imagine how many I would make on a full sized quilt?  Now you know why I don't make them anymore.  Frankly, just the thought of it gives me a massive headache!

My point is that I've been quilting since the early 70s and I made that many mistakes on a simple piecing project.  I'm very cautious and try very hard to make sure that I'm doing things correctly, but even I screw up, and on a fairly regular basis.

However, just because I made a mistake it doesn't mean that I failed.  It also doesn't mean that I'm an idiot.  It just means that whenever you do anything the risk is there that you won't do it perfectly.  Big Whoop!

All I can say is that if I quit quilting based on my mistakes I wouldn't have finished one piece.  I probably would have given up in 1975.

That's what I love about the quote from Mary Pickford shown above.  Failure isn't based on your mistakes, it's based on your inability to rise above them.  So what, you made a mistake, fix it and move on.  If you give up because something's too hard then you'll never conquer it, and in so doing prove to yourself that you really can do it after all.

I grew up in a house where there was a lot of music.  My brother played piano and would practice for hours, the same piece, over and over again.  In the beginning there were tons of mistakes, with lots of cringing from the rest of the family.  But then, as he worked through the piece, he conquered the mistakes, one by one, and after hours and hours of practice he could play the piece perfectly, (until he made a mistake).

It's the same with quilting, we spend years practicing and honing our skills.  We figure out how to fix our mistakes and avoid them in the future.  We read books, attend classes, and talk to other quilters.  We amass tips and techniques, and all the while on a steady basis, we continue to make mistakes.  I would bet you that if you asked any highly regarded celebrity quilter, (who was honest), if they still made simple mistakes, they'd laugh and say, "everyday!" 

I love the old saying that if you aren't making mistakes then you aren't trying hard enough.  So, go out there and make some quilting mistakes today, fix them, move on, and make some more! 

Susan

Oh, and by the way, if you look carefully at the "Oops" graphic at the top of the post you'll notice a black mark on the left side of the "S." That's what you call a Photoshop mistake!