When I saw this vintage cat illustration my first reaction
was, “How cute!”. Then when I read the text my heart sank.
“I’m happy because everyone loves me”
How sad is that? To only be able to be happy because
everyone loves you?
Like everyone I want to be loved. Who doesn’t? It used to be one of the main
reasons I took up blogging. I got followers and a mention in a magazine. It was
great that so many people liked my blogs.
However, I’m sure that there were other people who didn’t
like me or my blogs. I admit I can be an
acquired taste. I’m naturally shy so a
lot of people think I’m stuck up until they get to know me. My sense of humor
isn’t always everyone’s cup of tea, and I’m sometimes too honest when I
shouldn’t be. Like everyone else I know I’m far from perfect and the
chastisement I give myself on a regular basis is proof of that. I know I don’t
know everything and I don’t pretend to.
This blog means the most to me because it’s a place I can
share what I’ve learned about myself, life, and quilting. I’m no spring chicken
so I’ve been around long enough to know that everyone loving you is an
impossible dream and not worth striving for.
Humans are complicated and love is the most complicated
emotion. I have friends that I would trust with every secret, and others I
consider to be friends that I don’t share my secrets with. I’ve learned that
even good people have weaknesses. They intend to keep your secrets but aren’t
capable of it. Their need to feel
important means they could sell you out in a second without realizing it.
It’s one of the reasons I avoid gossip and gossipers. My
mother always said that if they’re telling you someone else’s secrets they’ll
almost certainly tell yours. You cannot trust them.
I’ve learned to be leery of those who want to be friends too
quickly. These are the kind of people who can be great fun but who then take it
too far. They text you too much or call you too much or want to get together
too often. They’re exhausting.
There are also those who claim to love you because you’re
doing nice things for them, or agreeing with them, or taking their side. The minute you stop being their “friend” in
the way they want you to be their “friend,” (which basically means they come
first), you will realize you were never friends with them to begin with.
We’ve all had experiences with takers. They’re seductive
because they praise you to the moon when you help them. You think that’s how
they feel about you. The fact is that most of these people would praise anyone
who did what they wanted them to do, and if you didn’t do it they’d find
someone else who would.
There are also the social climbing types. The ones who want to be with you because of
the people you know. I’ve had this experience and found it amusing as the
people they wanted to get close to I hardly knew. It wasn’t like my
recommendation would have moved these folks to let someone into their circle.
The only reason they tolerated me is because they knew I had no interest in
becoming part of their “in crowd.” I thought this was strange when it happened
in high school, but it’s even odder now that I’m in my sixties.
The point is that everyone can’t love you because there are
too many people out there who only love themselves. They meet their own needs
first and aren’t capable of being a friend in the truest sense of the word.
Their “love” is the kind of love you don’t need.
It’s trite to say that you have to love yourself. I think
it’s more pertinent to say that you have to make choices that make you lovable
to yourself and to others. If you’re making bad decisions and running around
messing up your life and bringing others along for the ride, then you don’t
deserve even your own love.
When you notice people avoiding you, you might want to ask
yourself the question, what am I doing to cause people to not like me? Am I
annoying, rage-filled, full of myself, do I talk too much and listen too
little, do I always have to be the center of attention? Take a deep look into
yourself and your behavior. You may owe some people an apology. You also owe
yourself to take the time to figure out what you’re doing wrong, and most
importantly, why you’re doing it.
We’ve all been through periods of time when we aren’t our
best and there’s no way everyone loves us. That’s normal. The important thing is to be aware of when it
happens and fix it as soon as possible. Be honest with yourself and those
around you. Own it.
When you do, you have the opportunity to give love in an
honest way, and odds are you’ll receive the same in return. Just not from everyone.
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