worrywart
Are you a worrywart?
I used to be a horrible worrier. I'd lie in bed at night thinking of all of the things that could go wrong and convincing myself that they would. Then I'd go through all of the possible scenarios, and figure out a way to react to each, and then I'd get worried about my reaction. If this thing that could happen did happen, then would my possible reaction to it be the right one, or not?
When the song "Don't Worry, Be Happy" came out I remember thinking, "Yeah, really, like I could ever stop worrying!" It was second nature to me, like breathing. I always felt like there was a disaster around every corner, and maybe if I just worried enough it wouldn't happen. Now, that makes sense!
There are times when we can't avoid worrying. If a loved one is sick, or your pet is missing, or you're waiting for test results from your doctor. Those are legitimate reasons. But the fact is that worrying won't change your loved one's condition, or find your pet, or give you the test results you're hoping for.
So, don't worry.
So much easier to say than do! There have been times in my life when I was obsessed with worry. I think we've all been there, especially when it comes to our kids. I was blessed with a great kid who did well in school and never got in any real trouble. Did that stop my worrying about him? Of course not! He's a college senior now, a young adult taking care of himself away from Mom and Dad. He doesn't drink or do drugs, has a great set of friends, and keeps in touch with us on a daily basis. Do I still worry? Of course I do!
I constantly remind myself that worry does no one any good. My worrying won't change a thing, and makes me feel miserable. So why won't I give it up?
It's simple, really. For some stupid reason I think that I have control over not only my own life, but over the lives of others. That's what it's all about. It's almost like we think if we aren't worrying we're jinxing the ones we love. I know people who wear their worrying habits like a badge of honor, or a means to make someone else feel bad. When we say "I was so worried about you!" it can sound like a chastisement. Like causing us worry is somehow their fault.
Sounds crazy doesn't it?
Well, it is, but so are many of the things we humans do. We have the foolish notion that we have control over our lives. There are some things we can control but it's the ones we can't that make our lives miserable with worry. Which, when you look at it logically, makes no sense. Why waste time worrying about something you can't control?
My father had a wonderful way of dealing with this. Whenever he had a problem that he saw no clear solution to, or something over which he had no control, he used to say "Let it play out." Life experience had taught him that worrying did nothing but keep him from a good night's sleep, most of the time for no reason. By standing back and letting situations resolve themselves, (as they usually do), he avoided two things; worry and mistakes.
My father passed away six years ago, but those words stay with me. When I find myself worrying about something beyond my control I try to stop worrying and step back and see what happens. I need to accept that I can't control everything, and I probably shouldn't considering how many mistakes I make. I prefer to think that God has a plan and maybe I should stay out of his way.
The fact is that I'm old enough now to know that there's only so much I can do. Too much of life is beyond our control. I regret all the time I've spent worrying, (and still spend worrying), they've been and are a total waste of time.
This last year has been terribly difficult for everyone. Some people have been paralyzed with fear of losing their lives, or the life of a loved one to Covid. Many people have. Would worrying have changed any of that? No. All we could do was take precautions and hope for the best. I guess that's the lesson here. You do your best to lessen risk, but ultimately, you have no control of what the future holds.
I've lost two immediate family members in the last six years. My father, and my older brother, (who I've now outlived by two years). I worried about both of them, but it didn't stop my father from dying from Alzheimer's nor my brother having a massive heart attack. Maybe my worrying skills weren't up to par, or maybe life had other plans.
I prefer to think that if we could control everything the world would be a very safe yet very boring place. Before we sent our son off to college I told him that if I was in charge I'd wrap him up in cotton wool and put him in my pocket so he would always be with me. But, that would be no life for him. So, I said, "know your mom will worry, but don't let it stop you from following your dreams."
I'm saying that to all of you. I know worry rears it's ugly head because it's always looking at me, (and it's ugly!), but try to enjoy your life without it as much as you can. All we have here on earth is a limited amount of time, spending it worrying is spending it unwisely.
Besides, we can't let it stop us from following our dreams.
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